Current location:	WSM
Current mood:	resigned
Current music:	Neverwinter Nights
Entry tags:	depression, si

Change
"Change means movement.  Movement causes friction." Saul Alinsky, 1909-1972

Tomorrow, I start my new job.  Same place, same people, just different work.  I've been asked to consider applying for the role when it goes permanent next month.  I'm sure I will.

This means a substantial career change.  No longer will an admin job be just a fill in until I get more VFX work.  It will be the mainstay of my working life.  I'm scared.  It's like standing in line for a rollercoaster ride.  I want the ride, but at the same time I'm apprehensive about what it will be like.

It hasn't been a great weekend; in fact, it's been pretty bad.  But that's OK.  It's OK because I have depression, and that means that there will be bad days.  As Ogrek said last night, "That means there doesn't  have to be a good reason for a bad day."

I live with depression, and have done so for more than 25 years.  That is changing, I have made changes to my life that have reduced my SI to a manageable level, and I am starting to find other ways to cope with the feelings.  I am not taking any more drastic solutions; no big leaps.

I'm starting to sleep again, but I have more nightmares than before.  Some of them are truly disturbing, haunting me through the next day.  Friday night I woke up twice.  Both times with my nails digging into my palms.  I don't remember the dream, though.

T.